Situations and circumstances have recently catapulted me into a state of spiritual unrest, for lack of a better term. Some of this is due to my own sinful foolishness. Some of it is a result of living in a fallen world. But this morning I’d had enough. Feeling overwhelmingly sinful and spiritually thirsty, I knew I needed to soak in the wisdom of the Most High. I studied Ephesians this week in my class, so that’s where I went. Paul starts his letter reminding the church of all they have in Christ:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.
This is the gospel and its rich implications for those who believe. Here, in the beauty of Christ and the grandeur of God’s sovereignty, I found respite for my weary soul. But God wasn’t finished. As I prayed through the above verses, I was particularly grateful for Christ’s blood; because in my depraved wretchedness, it is my only hope for salvation. Christ’s sacrifice is sufficient -even in my miserable failings and fallings. What a comfort to know God’s favor towards me is not based on what I can or can’t do, but on the finished work of Jesus. That’s what it means to be saved by grace. But, as Paul wrote to the Romans, “Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means!” So I exalted in the finishing work of the Cross but continued to look for wisdom to be obedient in fighting against my own depravity.
That’s when I remembered Ephesians 5. Paul is talking to husbands but references Christ’s sacrificial death which sanctified His Bride, the church. She is “cleansed…by the washing of water with the word.” The author of Hebrews wrote that “the word of God is living and active.” So, in the knowledge that I have been betrothed to Christ by His death and resurrection, I prayed that God would cleanse and lead me by His Word.
I went on journaling and praying through all the stuff of the past weeks and the grime of my own heart. In the issue which caused the most havoc, I realized I was gripped by fear. I was afraid of my own propensity for sin –its subtlety and its strength. I was afraid of continuing on my current path for fear of making another mistake. I was afraid of making a new path for fear of the effects it may have. I was a slave to fear.
And here God faithfully answered my prayer to be sanctified by His Word. He brought to mind Paul’s words in Romans 8: “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’” I realized that the fear of my own sin and weakness was inhibiting me from living boldly for the Kingdom. And if that’s how I’m living, then I’m functionally rendering Christ’s work on the cross as powerless and worthless. “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery” (Gal 5:1). So with my eyes fixed on Christ and the hope of the gospel, I hopefully and joyfully continue on this path as a soldier of the King, made strong in Jesus and the Word.
I am overwhelmed by the mercy of my God. This morning I tasted and saw that He is good. I cried for help and He answered. Today, in another degree, the living Word conformed my heart and mind to Christ’s. And that is “to the praise of His glorious grace.”
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