Sunday, September 28, 2008
This last week began with overwhelming discouragement. I hated sin in me. I hated sin in others. I hated the effects of a fallen world. I felt powerless to change. All my life, I have been very task-oriented and goal-driven. If I saw something in need of change, I took the necessary steps to make a change. It was change I could control. But sanctification, in myself and others, belongs to God alone. I desired so much to put off my critical spirit and put on the mercy of Christ. But I only found myself trudging about in the same muck. I was so disheartened. While I knew the Lord was teaching my independent heart to depend on Him in all things, I was afraid that I was on the verge of giving up on that promise.
Then I watched my lectures for the week before. Dr. Scott warned us to “beware of introspection.” He called it the “paralysis of analysis,” which potentially leads to morbidity. That was me! I am such a dogmatic legalist. I realized my whole life had become about being less critical. I knew better –and the absurdity is even more poignant as I type out the reality. Even with the best of intentions, I replaced Christ with the process of sanctification itself. Sanctification had become an idol. So I took a bit of a sebatical this week and tried to make Christ my focus. I was certainly much more joyful. Now to strike the balance…
Saturday, October 4, 2008
My "sebatical" seemed to extend into this week -but not necessarily in a good way. I tend to be so all-or-nothing, the pendulum swung from the extreme of micromanaging my sanctification to doing nearly nothing about my critical spirit. The occasional prayer. Minimal Bible-reading. I wish I had a better grasp on balance. I guess it's in my expectations -when I make an effort, I expect results. Silly expectation when it is the Lord "who works in [me] both to will and to do for His good pleasure." So perhaps the question is what does it look like to work out my own salvation with fear and trembling. I think the key is in the "fear and trembling" part. This week seemed unfruitful by my standards, but little me can't see the big picture. Staying tuned...
Saturday, October 11, 2008
In Sunday school and the sermon last Sunday, the phrase "the mind of Christ" kept coming up. I can't remember the passage that started it all, but I eventually came to Philippians 2. Paul writes concerning the nature of relationships within the church. He calls them to have the mind of Christ. A mind of humility. A mind of service. A mind of obedience. So do I seek this mind, trusting the Lord will work truth from my actions and speech, reforming and convicting as needed? What does it look to choose to be nothing while admonishing a brother or sister in sin?
This sin issue has really become prevalent in my move home to Smalltown America. For much of the community, church is a social responsibility or a smiley-face sticker on a holy behavior chart. Even in the church I attend there is a lack of true understanding and knowledge of God and His Word. I am grieved to see God sold short for something less than He is. (Though, I don't understand God fully, therefore don't worship Him wholly.) I think I'm trying to micromanage, seeking to protect my Lord's reputation. He doesn't need me to do so. And I don't think He asked me to -I guess that will be the study topic for next week. Anyway, I know He has called me to take the mind of His Son -the mind of humility, service, and obedience. So that's my prayer for the week...
Saturday, October 18
I was able to visit Grace this week. Pastor Flack was preaching on assurance; but in the process, he spent some time talking about a judgmental spirit. Assurance, he said, promotes humility. He also said it offers warnings, not verdicts. He then focused on the Matthew 18 process of church discipline. Here, judgment comes after a long process of confronting the individual, which always seeks restoration. Pastor Flack pointed out that the only sin judged by the church is a lack of repentance, the mark of an unbeliever.
It is always so sweet to sit under the solid preaching of God’s Word. And in divinely sovereign fashion, this message especially spoke to my heart, my sin. Cristi, take on the heart to warn out of love. Take on the heart of restoration. Be willing to wade into long processes of drawing sheep back and into the fold. Beware, Cristi, of judging anything but impenitence –and even then, look humbly at fruit. Take on Christ, Cristi. Take on Christ.
Saturday, October 23
Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands was a great instrument of God to teach me practical love. I was struck and convicted by so many things. But the big picture: I haven’t been seeking to help others change out of love. Love hasn’t been altogether absent, but it hasn’t been driving love. Not redemptive love. O, that I would understand and live God’s love! That I would remember that love is the foundation stronger than good theology!
My hope for the coming weeks is to implement Tripp’s idea of journaling about the issues and people with whom I struggle. Some of my identified groups don’t relate directly to my critical spirit, but I wonder if they might not help reveal underlying sin issues. So here’s the list: students who are slow to listen, small-town church goers, leadership in my local body, my little brother’s rebellion, and the judgmental words of others (ironic?). May the Spirit reveal my depravity and the Truth with which to combat it.
